We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
