I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I showed him my bush... on skype.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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