You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
