Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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