Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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