He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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