Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
