onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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