you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
