That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize