i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
