I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
