you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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