Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
