hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
