I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
