I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
