do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Tornado booty call.. dedication
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize