It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
