I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
