Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
