i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
