I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
she looked like the before picture.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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