Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Randomize
