i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
