Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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