rhymes with "ouble enetration"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
This is the high leading the old right now
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
