She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
