took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
