omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
