youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
