Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize