ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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