$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
