Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
