i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
