she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
