addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
