I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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