I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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