im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
