So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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