WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
