I just pynch a tree in the face
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
