just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize