you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
