I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
