im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
