Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
