i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
