Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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