I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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