I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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