I just saw a hot homeless man
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
its not stalking. its research.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
