I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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