i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
