what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
