Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
