my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
