so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
