you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
