dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
