They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
