my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
