then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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