Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
