i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
