Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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