Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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