there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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