mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
