sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
