i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
