Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
