he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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