you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Ladies don't puke and tell
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
