12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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