before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
