you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
