I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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