I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
high people should be assigned attendants
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
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