Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
