Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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